Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's shark week go big or go home
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
