i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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