alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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