If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize