i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Randomize