When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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