Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got inside last night via doggy door
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
