lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
