just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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