I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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