is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
