i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
