i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
