i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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