It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
