Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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