are you still at the devil's house?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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