her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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