Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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