Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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