I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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