Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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