Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
