i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
