Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
