i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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