I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
