Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
