im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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