Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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