is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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