First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
