a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
