No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just blew my weed a kiss
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
