Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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