im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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