what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
