so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
