Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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