Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
