How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize