everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You took a bar mat shot.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
