Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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