I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
