Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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