I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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