No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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