Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize