I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
