Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize