fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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