SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
