he was CRYING into my vagina
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize