you turned your livingroom into a bong?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
