Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
