She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
