when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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