I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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