I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
