I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
