I am puke
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
