we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
