glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
