I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
