Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
