1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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