Non-Jews are for practice
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
