i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
handjob tips. give me some.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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