I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
