you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize