pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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