there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
