Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize