So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
