gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
