oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
