my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
