I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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