sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
